Make the Trade
How to prioritize in a world where everything is urgent
One of the most valuable leadership lessons I’ve learned didn’t come from a strategy brief or a modernization summit. It came from the everyday reality of trying to balance real life with real mission.
In the Army, we talk about “work-life balance,” but often in abstract or binary terms. You’re either all in or all out. The mission or the family. Deployment or home. But real leadership lives in the grey space—in the decisions we make about what matters most in this moment. So how do we do that?
GEN McConville’s chart on work-life balance offers a framework for principles I’ve long believed in: contextualizing both work and life, and recognizing that each side has routine, important, and vital events. Some days, you make the trade for work. Other days, you make the trade for family. But the point is—you consciously make the trade, not default to one side because it's louder.
I’ve spent much of my career advocating that family, health, and life outside the job get a vote. That not every task in uniform is a five-alarm fire, and not every personal moment is “just a birthday.” Sometimes, the game, the recital, the conversation at the kitchen table is the mission. Because when we treat our people like whole people, they show up whole—and ready—for the mission.
This week’s Talent Code explores how we make better decisions, build more human leadership cultures, and lead with intention, not just obligation. Let’s talk about what it means to make the trade—and make it count.
Knowing What’s Urgent, What’s Important, and What Can Wait
One of the hardest things to do as a leader isn’t making fast decisions. It’s making the right tradeoffs—knowing when to shift your weight, protect your time, or step away from the noise to focus on what really matters.
We say “prioritize,” but if you’ve ever been in a military headquarters during a high-tempo operation—or even just a normal week—let alone a week like this week—you know what that often means is: “Treat everything like it’s urgent.”
If everything is urgent? Nothing really is.
This week, I want to talk about how we get better at sorting the noise from the signal, how we develop the judgment to protect the things that matter most, and how we build teams and systems that allow leaders at every level to make the trade—between work and life, mission and family, now and later.
Work and Life Are Both Scalable
GEN McConville’s work-life balance chart offers his version of work and life as a smart, scalable model. On both sides of the ledger—work and personal—there are routine, important, critical, and vital events. The key is context.
A training event is important, but not necessarily critical.
A recital or game is important, even if it’s not vital.
A deployment may be critical—but that doesn’t mean the family wedding scheduled in the same window doesn’t also carry weight.
The point isn’t to say one is more important than the other—it’s to force the conversation about tradeoffs. To say: this is worth protecting, this is worth asking for flexibility, and this is worth showing up for—even if it’s not convenient.
What makes this framework powerful is that it gives leaders permission to be intentional, not reactionary. It gives us language to talk about time and presence as strategic assets, not just leftovers.
The Trap of False Urgency
In fast-moving organizations, we often confuse visibility with importance. If a task is visible—if someone above you is asking about it, or it’s in a briefing deck, or it’s on the commander’s priority list—it must be urgent. But urgency without impact is just emotional noise.
If you’ve ever been pulled out of your kid’s game to answer a staffing question that could’ve waited 48 hours, you know what I mean.
Too often, we burn time, energy, and attention on the things that seem urgent simply because no one has stopped to ask, “What’s the actual consequence if this waits?”
Urgency should be tied to impact, not tempo.
So ask:
What’s the outcome if this doesn’t get done today?
Is this task driving a mission requirement or just satisfying a reporting rhythm?
Are we mistaking activity for progress?
Why Leaders Must Model the Trade
I’ve spent much of my career advocating for a simple truth: life outside the office deserves a vote. Not just as a moral imperative, but as a leadership and readiness issue.
Because the most dangerous thing a leader can do is pretend we don’t have to make the trade.
The truth is, we all trade. The question is whether we do it intentionally, transparently, and with care—or whether we let default culture and performative urgency decide for us.
I’ve had moments where I’ve chosen the job—and missed something important at home. I’ve had moments where I’ve left early to be with family—and something at work went undone. I don’t regret either. Because they were conscious choices. That’s what leadership requires. Judgment. Perspective. Humility.
And modeling that trade helps give permission for others to do the same.
Systems Can Help. So Can Saying “It Can Wait.”
We cannot build a human-centric culture on vibes alone. We need systems that support good judgment.
That means:
Calendars that reflect real constraints—not just the green space between meetings.
Clear delegation paths so every small fire doesn’t go up the chain.
Workflows that distinguish between need to know and nice to have.
Leaders who respond to missed deadlines or requests for flexibility with “How can I help?” instead of “Why isn’t this done yet?”
Sometimes, a human system just needs a leader to say: “This can wait.”
That one phrase might save someone’s evening, someone’s anniversary, someone’s mental health.
It’s leadership as permission and perspective, not just task management.
What Gets Protected Gets Prioritized
Every organization says it values balance. Few actually protect it.
If you want your team to believe that family matters, don’t punish people—overtly or subtly—for making the trade. If you want your team to value judgment, reward it when they slow down to ask, “Is this the best use of my time?”
What gets protected gets prioritized. And what gets prioritized gets repeated.
Leaders at every level need to normalize this:
Normalize the white space on calendars.
Normalize leaving for the game or the appointment.
Normalize saying, “This is important, but not urgent. Let’s revisit it Tuesday.”
Normalize saving urgency for when it’s needed, so your people know that when they do have to say no to life for work, it’s for a good reason.
Because if we want our people to be strategic thinkers, they have to see us acting with strategy in how we spend our time.
So Let’s Make the Trade, On Purpose
Leadership is full of tradeoffs. There’s no perfect schedule. There’s no magic algorithm to balance every mission need and every personal obligation. But the goal isn’t perfection—it’s intention.
The best leaders I know don’t pretend to do it all. They’re just clear about what matters most right now, and they’re honest about what can wait.
So this week, my challenge to you is simple:
Don’t default. Decide.
Make the trade. And make it count.
